It's getting desperate

I have got to get the hell out of dodge. It is getting to the point that I am having anxiety attacks sitting in my own house. It's like I wake up knowing that my time at home is going to royally suck. I cannot go anywhere in this house, and I cannot find a moment of peace to be on my own for any length of time and it is driving me out of my freaking mind.

This is the most uncomfortable that I can remember being in a long time. My hours are days from being cut at the bank, and I have been getting no hours at the hotel. Two jobs, and I can't make the bills that I have in my life. Seriously? I have faith that everything will come together eventually, and I will look back and laugh at my lack of faith. I truly hope that my belly hurts from that laughter, and I truly hope that it is soon. They say laughing burns 3 calories per minute or something like that...well I have a lot of weight to lose..so this guy needs to laugh for a few hours, maybe even days. I am feeling desperate because I am feeling stuck.

My human instinct for survival has kicked in. In my head I am kicking and clawing at a stone wall in an attempt to either break it down or claw a hole in it, just so I might catch a glimpse of what the outside world looks like. So I have come up with a plan to get the hell out of dodge.

This past few weeks I have had several encounters with our bank market team for meetings, new hire breakfasts, branch visits; etc. I mentioned that I wanted to pursue moving up in this company. The bank has a standard of being an inclusive meritocracy, meaning it hires from within. I would like to take full advantage of that meritocracy. My hope and prayer is that in the next 2-3 months I could be in a full time position at some branch in the SE Michigan Market. Perhaps a lofty goal, but I would also love a raise involved with that.

Should a promotion of sorts to a full time position be achieved in the next 2-3 months....I AM OUT OF HERE!!! Without a doubt, there will be no more of me in this house. I could even afford to live in a relatively nice apartment with a full time position and slight raise. That would be quite awesome. This opportunity with the bank has been incredible. I never thought that I would like it as much as I do, and I didn't think I would catch on as well as I have. But I have, and the chance to advance has come, and I am truly hoping to run through that open door.

Who knows what will happen, and who even knows that I'll have this job in 2-3 months. I hope so, and I don't for see doing something that would render a termination, but you really do never know.

I have to get out of here...I can feel myself dying inside from being here. I have to. I have to get out of here.