How does this tragedy effect my life?

Call me a jerk, call me selfish, call me whatever the hell you want, but if your plan for me doesn't come to pass, how is that my fault in any way? I will not be manipulated into staying in a situation that is bad for me! If you took on more debt than you can handle, that is YOUR problem, and not mine to shoulder. No one twisted your arm to buy this house, and no one coerced you into getting into a new vehicle when your old one was paid in full. None of these things effect me, because I did not sign a lease or give an agreement that I would be staying here for any long period of time.

Over the last several days, my father has expressed his hope that my job situation will level out because when it does I would be able to pay him rent money and contribute as he says to the monthly "expenses." While I would be more than willing to do this, and would I were committed to living here for a longer stretch of time, I would be all about it. Seeing as I am hoping that May will be my last month in this house, I do not want the burden on me that when I move out he will be sitting here struggling to make ends meet. How fair is it to mention that you let bills go unpaid at the end of the month because you don't have the money? Then you tell me that you hope my situation stabilizes so I can contribute, ask me if I am saving to move out, and THEN tell me that I should be looking to move out, but you were hoping I wouldn't do it for ONE OR TWO YEARS!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I am so upset right now. On top of my anxiety of living here until the day I die, I have to worry about the possibility that my leaving could literally put my dad in a serious financial pinch. I want my freedom, and I want to live an adult life, but how can I do that in good faith knowing how much it could make him suffer?

This really is so unfair. Why can't he just communicate? Why is it always kept inside so it can drive him crazy and feed his fatalist, depressed mindset? It is so hard to parent your parents. I even asked him a month ago what EXACTLY he needed from me fiscally to help him out. He told me groceries and phone bill. Cool, we can do that. Only to find out today that he needs hundreds more. HUNDREDS! Like seriously? I told him to seriously look at what he thought he would need from me, and that is what he said. So here I am thinking that is all I would need to do, and doing my best to save for the day when I could step out of this house for the last time as a resident of it. Now it just became so much more complicated.

When it comes down to it, I need to do what is going to be best for the future of me. If being here is really affecting me that badly, then I need to go. I need to go and trust that God will provide for my dad what it is that he needs to survive and make the ends meet. As hard and as bad as it is to say, his decisions to incur debt are not my issue, and I really shouldn't burden myself with it. Easier said than done.

I need to learn to live life for myself and not for the people around me. It is my life, and if it isn't exactly where I want it to be I have no one to blame but myself. The same is true if I continue to allow outside sources to influence the decisions of my life. Isn't that why we all can't wait to move out as children? We long for the day we can move to college, or earn enough money to move out for good. I might finally be close to that, and I DO NOT want to take steps backwards, I want to continue going forward.

That felt good to vent that, especially knowing that no one is going to read it. Maybe that isn't a positive thing, but I have to take it for what it is. Better for me to vent it here than to say this to his face. That would be bad. All steps taken to go forward, I am done with going backwards. If you try to make me go that way, you will not be happy, because I will crush you.

It's a brand new day ladies and gentleman, a brand new day. If you want to go somewhere, and if you want to be somebody, you better wake up and pay attention. Wise words from the sisters!!