A slight condundrum

I literally do not know the right thing to do.

2 months ago, I discovered that my apartment has a particularly annoying leak. I don't know a leak that isn't annoying, but I digress. Above the doorwall, in the track of the doorwall, as well as the window in my bedroom...all leak or allow water to come into the apartment. Like I said, this discovery was made on July 3rd. After 3 maintenance requests, I was told that a contractor would need to come in, and the building would need to be sprayed in order for the brick to be returned to its waterproof state. This was around July 29th. I was told that since the first of the month was looming, no contractor would be able to come out because they would be busy with first of the month duties. I was told by mid August, it should be easier to find a contractor to come and do the job.

Today is August 23rd. No contractor, no update, no fix, and no water free apartment. So I stopped into the office today for an update. I was told "we didn't forget about you, when they told me you were here I knew exactly what you were here for, and we didn't forget about you." Great! It's nice to be remembered. Except, I was told the same thing, the painters need to do the spraying, one side of the building was done, and now it was time for the other. Everyone agreed it was time for the building to be sprayed. So I asked: "How much longer are we talking here?" The answer, "it will be at least a few more weeks. how is it going up there?" To which I calmly replied that every time that it rains, I have water in my apartment. He assures me that he already has the equipment,m he just needs the contractor.

Great! The equipment is here...half the battle right? I left at least encouraged that they still know there is an issue and have recognized that it needs to be fixed. However, not an hour later a note comes under the door. I thought it might have been about the earthquake that happened this afternoon, or perhaps it was to inform me that they had found a contractor and scheduled a time to spray and fix the building. Well, optimism has never been my thing, and here is the reason why. The note read:
"Dear Residents, This notice is to advise all residents that on Wednesday, August 31st, Premier Pest Management, Inc. will be performing services to the outside of your building. This treatment is a power spray treatment that will be used to prevent and/or rid your building of beetles, bugs, spiders, bees and wasps." It goes on to say the time of the work, the fees incurred should anyone not comply, and thanking us for our cooperation.

If it wasn't obvious, the equipment was not in fact for the work needed for my building. It was instead for the use of power spraying the building so we wouldn't have to deal with unwanted crawlers or flyers. Like really? You are going to look me in the face and tell me that the equipment is here and expect me to believe that once this power spray is done, the equipment won't be returned to where ever it is it came from? Like really? In the immortal words of several of my favorite TV characters "Seriously!? Seriously."

Needless to say, I don't know what to do because I have never been in this situation before with an apartment that I have lived in. All of my apartments have been wonderful, and I have made a maintenance request all but one time in the past. This is uncharted territory for me. Do I ask out of my lease? Do I refuse to pay rent? If so, how does one inform your landlord that you aren't going to pay them for your apartment? How does a resident actually fight and win this seemingly unwinnable battle? I'm prepared to move, I have no desire to live in an apartment that will never be fixed. But how does one get out without losing their security deposit and free from paying any penalty fees for leaving a lease early?

Who am I to think that the management would allow a job so large to happen for one single apartment? If no other apartments have complained of water in their apartments, is there really any urgency to fix my problem? I mean, this is kind of a big job. Renting the crane, the materials needed to fix it, the man power of your painters. I am losing hope rapidly...

Bottom line: I'm screwed.

I need a change

There comes a time in life when you just have to admit that you need a change. I have been coming to that realization more and more everyday. A2 has been great, and the 10 years that I have been here have brought so many great things for me. But A2 is not the end for me. I don't see my future here, and I don't picture life to the full for myself here. I picture the emptiness that plagues me each day I open my eyes to greet the sun.

Emptiness fills my personal life as much as it does my "professional" life, if that's what you want to call working for a hotel banquet center. I miss the joy that teaching brought me at RR, the rush and the high that came from making an impact in a positive way. Not in a self-serving, arrogant kind of way, but the feeling that your work and your presence may actually be a force to positively affect not just a room, but the greater whole of operation bigger than yourself. I miss the gift that I feel I was given, I mourn the opportunities to utilize it. I can only hope and pray that in the near future, and for many years to come, that I may be able to use and utilize that gift for the greater good of youth in some town in some area of the country, or the world abroad.

Emptiness is such an interesting feeling, emotion, state of being or whatever you want to call it. The actual event is anything but empty. It is all consuming, like a flood, or the beauty of the sunset. Every action and every word results from the overwhelming effect of emptiness on a person's life. I would be the poster child for that these last several months. The monotony of my job, the feeling that I am not moving forward, the reality that my friendships have crumbled under the weight of my insecurity and cold heart have all combined to put me in the throws of emptiness.

Life shouldn't be this difficult. Yes there are trials and tribulations, and yes there are days when you wish you could rewind and live the day before, but when blinking seems too much, there is a problem. Here's how I feel right now: I feel like my life is the aftermath of a flood. Like a Katrina flood, when the levee system fails and water 2o feet deep overtakes a home. The water that flows through the streets and enters the home has become stagnant, and is filled with oil, mud, dead fish, cars and God knows what else. Basically, the water has become diseased, and the longer it takes to recede, the more damage is done to the house. The longer it sits, the more condemned it becomes. I am the home, and I feel like everything in my life is slowly being filled with dank, stagnant and disease filled water. Black mold is forming around my heart, and I feel like the only thing left to do is condemn me for tear down and rebuilding. A2 is my flood, and I feel like I need to rebuild in a new location, and leave the feelings and struggles of this place behind.

I don't know what the next 12 months will hold for me, but I hope it involves steps forward, and not backward. Here's hoping....