I don't even know what to say. I really hate my life right now. I can honestly say that I have never felt more hopeless about my current stage of life than I did today. Not once did I feel alive, bot once did I feel proud of who I am and what I am doing. I only felt demoralized, useless, under appreciated. I can't remember another time in my recent years when I have felt this incredibly worthless.
I should be excited right now! I am going to go back to school to pursue a dream of mine to be an educator! The future is starting for me now, why can't I be excited about it? Everyday that begins anew involving a trip to that wretched bank makes me feel so horribly depressed that sometimes I want to cry at the thought of it. Each day brings the exact same occurrences, so much so that it has become predictable. The only elements that are unknown is how long and how bad the daily devilries will be. I realize this makes me sound like a victim of molestation or something awful, but that really is what it feels like.
I am hoping, praying, almost begging for financial aid to be able to cover what I need to live without having to be at that awful horrible terrible monstrosity that is the bank that I work at. Seriously it is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my working life. No one that I work with seems to care or understand what exactly it is like for me. I am just supposed to deal with it. I deserve to work in an atmosphere that is uplifting, and nurturing, not damaging and condemning.
I am so depressed.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Am I wearing a sign of some kind.....?
It's been a hot minute since my last rant...so I figured I needed to make up for lost time in a big way.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN LATELY!? In this case I am specifically talking about the drivers in this town. When did the speed limit become scary? I mean, has there been a law of some kind passed that says we have to go 10 mph UNDER the speed limit in order to be in compliance of it? Two specific areas come to mind right now. 1.) The light at Washtenaw and Carpenter...turning onto Carpenter from Washtenaw Ave. I do not know what the hell people are thinking when they make that turn...but it takes them to the light at packard to hit 40 mph. THE SPEED LIMIT IS 45!!!!! I don't think you understand how much this pisses me off. There is absolutely no reason to go 35 mph down Carptenter road...but people do it! 2.) Washtenaw and Huron Parkway...AFTER the light. I cannot tell you how many times I get stuck behind some Mr (or Mrs) Magoo that is hellbent on going 30-35 mph on our way toward the washtenaw/stadium split. It takes all of the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me not to cause immense and terrible road rage not seen since the chase put on by OJ Simpson in 19 freakin 95 or whatever year it was. Seriously, it makes me super super super super mad.
Onto other business now. I have been thinking a lot lately about the existence of stereotypes. What they are and who the predominately apply to. Why they possibly began. If people really do embody or support this notion of characteristics designated to a class of people. I really wanted to think that there was no such thing, and that these generalizations exist to make us all feel like we belong to something, rather than being 6 billion plus complete individuals with nothing to bond us to each other. It has become painfully obvious that this is just not the case. There really are certain characteristics of human beings that gravitate them toward a certain interest or idea, and thus develop how they think, act, interact and live out their day to day lives. I will use the example I am most often subject to...athletes. We have quite a few U of M athletes come through the hotel, and almost every single one of them fits the mold of a typical athlete. They eat a lot, they sleep a lot, they live and breathe their sport, and they are insensitive, ignorant, and often sexist asses. There is a stigma with athletes that says that if you are around your same sex free of clothing almost everyday of your life for many many years...it is going to cause sexual confusion or awkward locker room moments. The result of this stigma is extreme homophobia and the free use of the f bomb...fag. In one conversation that lasted 2 minutes between 8 basketball players, I heard fag, gay, or faggot no less that 20 times. It was almost every other word at one point, being said by each player almost in..wait for it....stereo. So what does all of this mean? It means that I have shifted my belief that stereotypes are a myth. They are in face very real, but not necessarily a by-product of ignorance. I believe that stereotypes are a survival mechanism used by many to bring comfort, or deflect shame, for either being a certain way, or having an interest deemed odd or "uncool." Could it be that athletes had a stereotype thrust upon them of being gay at one point, and this was the coping mechanism that resulted? Is it really outside the realm of possibility that all of the negative stereotypes out there grew as a result of reverse psychology? Could stereotypes have evolved because of a groups desperate attempt to be the opposite of what they were accused of being? Did "goth" kids once wear an array of colors? Were actors once mellow and quiet? I don't know if I am making any sense, but that is what I have been thinking about, in terms of stereotypes anyway.
That's all for now....see you in a few more months.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS TOWN LATELY!? In this case I am specifically talking about the drivers in this town. When did the speed limit become scary? I mean, has there been a law of some kind passed that says we have to go 10 mph UNDER the speed limit in order to be in compliance of it? Two specific areas come to mind right now. 1.) The light at Washtenaw and Carpenter...turning onto Carpenter from Washtenaw Ave. I do not know what the hell people are thinking when they make that turn...but it takes them to the light at packard to hit 40 mph. THE SPEED LIMIT IS 45!!!!! I don't think you understand how much this pisses me off. There is absolutely no reason to go 35 mph down Carptenter road...but people do it! 2.) Washtenaw and Huron Parkway...AFTER the light. I cannot tell you how many times I get stuck behind some Mr (or Mrs) Magoo that is hellbent on going 30-35 mph on our way toward the washtenaw/stadium split. It takes all of the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me not to cause immense and terrible road rage not seen since the chase put on by OJ Simpson in 19 freakin 95 or whatever year it was. Seriously, it makes me super super super super mad.
Onto other business now. I have been thinking a lot lately about the existence of stereotypes. What they are and who the predominately apply to. Why they possibly began. If people really do embody or support this notion of characteristics designated to a class of people. I really wanted to think that there was no such thing, and that these generalizations exist to make us all feel like we belong to something, rather than being 6 billion plus complete individuals with nothing to bond us to each other. It has become painfully obvious that this is just not the case. There really are certain characteristics of human beings that gravitate them toward a certain interest or idea, and thus develop how they think, act, interact and live out their day to day lives. I will use the example I am most often subject to...athletes. We have quite a few U of M athletes come through the hotel, and almost every single one of them fits the mold of a typical athlete. They eat a lot, they sleep a lot, they live and breathe their sport, and they are insensitive, ignorant, and often sexist asses. There is a stigma with athletes that says that if you are around your same sex free of clothing almost everyday of your life for many many years...it is going to cause sexual confusion or awkward locker room moments. The result of this stigma is extreme homophobia and the free use of the f bomb...fag. In one conversation that lasted 2 minutes between 8 basketball players, I heard fag, gay, or faggot no less that 20 times. It was almost every other word at one point, being said by each player almost in..wait for it....stereo. So what does all of this mean? It means that I have shifted my belief that stereotypes are a myth. They are in face very real, but not necessarily a by-product of ignorance. I believe that stereotypes are a survival mechanism used by many to bring comfort, or deflect shame, for either being a certain way, or having an interest deemed odd or "uncool." Could it be that athletes had a stereotype thrust upon them of being gay at one point, and this was the coping mechanism that resulted? Is it really outside the realm of possibility that all of the negative stereotypes out there grew as a result of reverse psychology? Could stereotypes have evolved because of a groups desperate attempt to be the opposite of what they were accused of being? Did "goth" kids once wear an array of colors? Were actors once mellow and quiet? I don't know if I am making any sense, but that is what I have been thinking about, in terms of stereotypes anyway.
That's all for now....see you in a few more months.
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