It is the most difficult thing to realize that you recognize a problem and still find ways to perpetuate that problem. I feel like a complete jackass. I am completely enabling a very important person in my life to continue in their destructive behaviors. I speak of course of my father...who is 61 and a diabetic. Now, my dad has struggled with his weight since he entered grade school back in the early 50's. For at least 55 of his 61 years, he has been a bigger guy. It was just how he grew up. His mother loved food, made it well, and made it in mass quantities. Couple that with an utterly dysfunctional family life (extended included), an even more dysfunctional marriage, and you have one very messed up human being with adult onset diabetes.
I will not blame anyone for the problems that I deal with when it comes to food, but I do recognize that we are products of our upbringing, and we are shaped by the habits and choices of our parents. Like my father, I have chosen food as a comfort and friend for more than half of my 26 years. Problem? Grab a twinkie. Emotion? Eat an entire box of Mac & Cheese. Anxious? Calm yourself with a bowl of ice cream, then eat 3 more. My current situation is a direct result of ME and only me. The problem now becomes that when I bring food home as comfort food for me, it also becomes a temptation for him. I literally lead him further down a destructive path because I am too buried in my own destructive choices.
I am petrified that one day I will make a selfish decision that could harm, or in the extreme example, kill my father. I have completely enabled my father to go back down this road, and I am not quite sure how to reverse this process. It seems as easy as restraint starting with me. Just don't bring the crap home! Or don't make the stupid cake, or cookies, or ask for certain bad for you groceries...but it is hard!
Herein lies a huge reason why I need to get the hell out of dodge. Would I were not here 1.) I wouldn't have to watch my father slowly kill himself and 2.) I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I am throwing dirt to dig the 6 foot hole for his grave. I love my father very much, and I want him to be healthy. You are NEVER too old to get healthy, and you are NEVER too old to change your ways. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" has no business when it comes to saving your life.
I need some tips. How do I approach the subject of a huge insecurity in my fathers life? I want to honor him in the approach, but I need to drive home to him that if he won't do it for himself, he should at least do it for all of the people in is life who love him.
Gee, I guess I could start with that.
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