I don't even know

I don't even know what to say. I really hate my life right now. I can honestly say that I have never felt more hopeless about my current stage of life than I did today. Not once did I feel alive, bot once did I feel proud of who I am and what I am doing. I only felt demoralized, useless, under appreciated. I can't remember another time in my recent years when I have felt this incredibly worthless.

I should be excited right now! I am going to go back to school to pursue a dream of mine to be an educator! The future is starting for me now, why can't I be excited about it? Everyday that begins anew involving a trip to that wretched bank makes me feel so horribly depressed that sometimes I want to cry at the thought of it. Each day brings the exact same occurrences, so much so that it has become predictable. The only elements that are unknown is how long and how bad the daily devilries will be. I realize this makes me sound like a victim of molestation or something awful, but that really is what it feels like.

I am hoping, praying, almost begging for financial aid to be able to cover what I need to live without having to be at that awful horrible terrible monstrosity that is the bank that I work at. Seriously it is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my working life. No one that I work with seems to care or understand what exactly it is like for me. I am just supposed to deal with it. I deserve to work in an atmosphere that is uplifting, and nurturing, not damaging and condemning.

I am so depressed.